Saturday, September 3, 2011

Today's Your Birthday!

Baby Girl's Favorite Carrot Cake
On September 2nd, I had the most wonderful surprise, My second baby girl decided it was time for her to arrive. It was Labor Day -- and of course no one could think ti was more appropriate. But she decided it could not be that simple -- I had far much more to do.

My best friend's wedding had been August 5th and she had thought about arriving then. The wedding was at the Hot Springs outside of Nome, Alaska. Just a few miles, until we had a flat getting there and a flat going back. I think Baby Girl wanted to be part of the ceremony since her older sister was supposed to be the flower girl (until she fell asleep on my shoulder). She was not content, so she just kept me in contractions all the way back to Nome and I ended up in the hospital. Those doctors and nurses told me she could not be born then and stopped the contractions. I think Baby Girl got pissed.

It was only a month later she decided on her own she had waited long enough and it was time to show up. I had just taken a new job and had made it clear ro my employer that I would not take any guff from him. That I would give him a month, but if he ONCE yelled at me, I was out of there. After one week of work, I called up and said I would not be at work the next week. He thought I was upset; I told him, no, I just had to have a baby. Even in Nome, Alaska, he found a way to send me and Baby Girl a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

Meanwhile, I waited for Baby Girl. Just like her Older Sister she decided not to make it too easy for me. I already knew her name and talked to her constantly. I could feel her tall me she was coming -- just not yet. After hours, she arrived. Just like with her older sister, I was calling her name to let her know who she was in this new world that was different than where she had been.

Just a couple hours later, her Older Sister climbed up on the bed next to me and said hello. Her Daddy was there to welcome her -- and love her as he always would.

This story is one of the two my babies would ask me to tell as their bedtime stories at night. I always loved that.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Why I Changed the Name of My Blog

I have realized that my blog name has not truly reflect the things I write about or want to write about. In fact, the name did not reflect me at all. So I have tried to be a bit more accurate in the name.

I am known by several names on the Web (okay, how many of you know the difference between the Internet and the World Wide Web?). Each of those names either reflect me as a mother or as an information addict. But I seem to realize more and more that the persona is not accurate for who or what I am.

I have begun to understand the many areas of my life, past, present and future. Indeed I am a lover of information but I am also many other things. I remember who I was as a child. I remember being a daughter. I remember the music I heard all through my life that brings me not only comfort but joy. I remember being a sister and still marvel about continuing to be. I wonder about myself about being a mother, when they were small and now that they are grown. I think about having lost so many of my family and now finding them again. And isn't that all information at some level?

I think about who I was -- even just yesterday -- and who I am, and who I want to be. I think about how much I can integrate my knowledge and ability to find, process, and incorporate information into my life.

Sometimes I just want to write about anything. So a more accurate name for this blog, which indeed reminds mee of Lady Libery,  is "As I Am".

Monday, May 23, 2011

Having Been Absent

It's been awhile since I felt able to blog. But my daughter's post [ has made me think twice about my reasons for not blogging. My mind indeed has not only wandered, but sometimes it feels like it has left me completely. The bad times I have been going through have left me a bit -- bereft (geez, I love that word). I have been having a hard time thinking of what to say.  When it seems like everything in your life is going to hell in a handbasket [must look up where that saying came from], you often find yourself wondering what to say.

Something I can now see: poverty and/or the lack of funds for basic living is not the way I remember it was when I was a child. Back then my family made very little, but we tended to live well. This is not to say we did not have our times of wondering about food and other things -- my father always made sure that shelter was never an issue, although I often wonder what the mortgage companies might have said at times. But my family did not succumb to credit, most of the time. Yes, we bought furniture on time; maybe at Christmas things were put on lay-away (remember Christmas accounts at the bank?). But never to the extent in which I now find myself.

Now, I find that my hard time is a result of desire. Not of necessity. My mind has completely not only wandered off, but it has been hi-jacked by the desire for things I could not guarantee I could pay for. I'm learning a hard lesson. And who knew I wouldn't learn it until I was well past my youth.

But I take some solace in the idea it has not left me completely. I still try -- every day I try. Some days are good, although they are far and few between. But I keep hoping I'll find a way out of this. I really have no choice. I will find a way.