Monday, May 23, 2011

Having Been Absent

It's been awhile since I felt able to blog. But my daughter's post [ has made me think twice about my reasons for not blogging. My mind indeed has not only wandered, but sometimes it feels like it has left me completely. The bad times I have been going through have left me a bit -- bereft (geez, I love that word). I have been having a hard time thinking of what to say.  When it seems like everything in your life is going to hell in a handbasket [must look up where that saying came from], you often find yourself wondering what to say.

Something I can now see: poverty and/or the lack of funds for basic living is not the way I remember it was when I was a child. Back then my family made very little, but we tended to live well. This is not to say we did not have our times of wondering about food and other things -- my father always made sure that shelter was never an issue, although I often wonder what the mortgage companies might have said at times. But my family did not succumb to credit, most of the time. Yes, we bought furniture on time; maybe at Christmas things were put on lay-away (remember Christmas accounts at the bank?). But never to the extent in which I now find myself.

Now, I find that my hard time is a result of desire. Not of necessity. My mind has completely not only wandered off, but it has been hi-jacked by the desire for things I could not guarantee I could pay for. I'm learning a hard lesson. And who knew I wouldn't learn it until I was well past my youth.

But I take some solace in the idea it has not left me completely. I still try -- every day I try. Some days are good, although they are far and few between. But I keep hoping I'll find a way out of this. I really have no choice. I will find a way.