Saturday, December 18, 2010

Employment – Or The Lack Thereof

It’s been a year and a half since I have had gainful employment (what is “ungainful” employment?). And it is true what the experts say: it definitely does a  job on your self-esteem, your relationships, not to mention your finances. Unemployment only goes so far.

No, I haven’t been lazy. I have applied for I don’t know how many jobs with a total of one interview (which obviously did not go well, although I wish I knew why). I continue to apply for positions. But I am starting to doubt the things I have been told all my life.

My father, as well as a few of my other family members, encouraged me to get as much education as I could. A number of my other family members thought I was trying to be “better” than them. So, it wasn’t like family support was – what should I say? Okay, I just won’t say.

I have followed that educational ideal all my life, until I failed [twice] to complete a doctorate. I do, however, have a degree in psychology, as well as a Master’s in developmental psychology AND a Master’s in Library and Information Science. Although I did not complete my doctoral program, I did indeed complete my exams the second time around. My major fault, as I see it, was being unable to develop a supportive doctoral committee – and that was my fault. Of course, I’m sure my “mentors” don’t see it that way. [I must admit: I still have nightmares about what I consider a major failure.]

Nonetheless, I do have double Masters in areas which complement each other. I would really like to work in an academic setting; whether it is online teaching, research or as an academic librarian. And I have pursued positions in these areas for the last year and a half. But as I have said; to no avail.

I would simply like to know what I’m doing wrong or whether something beyond me is responsible. I have been spoiled in my life having never applied for positions prior to this time where I did not at least get an interview. Now I cannot beg, borrow or steal an interview. I have even applied to Walmart and didn’t get a reply.

Want to know what is worse? My partner applied for a job and got it in a week. My spouse applied for a job and got it in 4 days [they weren’t working over the weekend]. I can’t help but wonder what the hell is wrong with me. If either of them were young and spry [yeah, that was kind of rude to say] I might consider it to be an age thing. But one is younger by 2 years and the other is older by 5 years. Both have high school diplomas and have no advanced degrees! Talk about feeling like I’ve gone down the wrong path!!

Well, I’ll be their house-spouse – cooking, cleaning, laundry, a lending ear when they are frustrated. And I will continue to write.

But I do feel misled. I am working to repair the blow to my self-esteem. But, I must admit --- it’s not easy.


  1. Wow, that's rough. Maybe it's just your field. Academia is cutting back so your field is much more competitive. You should seriously check out information architecture for the web. They all bring a background of library science and there are lots of jobs for IAs. Your skills are easily transferable.

  2. Peace Corps is always looking for Volunteers in the +50 crowd...